January or Bust: The Hidden Values Within Our Goal-Oriented Mindsets

For many of us, January offers a fresh start. It’s a month to plan, set personal goals, improve our habits, or take up that new 10-step program. One of my colleague’s goals is to “optimize sleep” this year, while another is taking on a 52-book challenge. Whether you’re the type of person who delves head long into setting goals, or prefers to avoid it, the “rationally ordered methods for making human activity more efficient” (a concept dubbed “Technique”), is so pervasive in our culture that it affects each of us personally, often in ways that we don’t realize. 

Jacques Ellul was a 20th century French philosopher and theologian who wrote extensively on “technique.” Ellul pointed out that while technique’s rigor, applied to science and engineering, made possible the rapid advancement of technology, it has also permeated and shaped our society: our culture, education, how we make friends, how we think about ourselves, and how we measure our success or even our life’s meaning. Consider our daily checklists and routines, productivity apps, social media, 5-steps programs, life-hacking, algorithms that search for the perfect partner, the corporate latter, or annual goal setting - these technical methods offer efficient, linear, and easier shortcuts to living.  

Take a moment to think about the analogies we use to describe ourselves. How often do you think, “I need to unplug”, “recharge”, or “reboot.” It’s “nose to the grindstone” again. “I wish I could slow down”, “get into a routine”, and “increase my bandwidth?” We are using technological metaphors to describe ourselves. Yet, in this thoughtful podcast I came across, two professors point out that Jesus described people using natural metaphors, such as sheep, flowers, seeds, branches, and sparrows, with two notable exceptions that were meant to reprove the religious elite of their technique-encumbered practices [1]. What's more, Jesus and his father were professional carpenters who quite literally would have used the grindstone to sharpen their tools on a regular basis. The Greek word used to describe Jesus’ profession is “tekton”, a craftsman, which is related to our word for technologist [2]. He was a maker, surely employing various techniques to shape the world around him to create technology. Jesus employed technique, but it is not how he described himself.

I humbly admit that I tend to view myself as a machine. I am the recipient of inputs that are external to me, and which I often wish I had more control over: be it my diet, calendar, exercise, a clean house, or the vast resources and information available to me. Then there is me, the (hopefully) well-oiled machine, whose job is to make something meaningful - to achieve the goals set before me. The more efficient I am at managing the inputs, the more productive my output. Like dominoes, it's a matter of arranging all the pieces and setting them into motion.   

 

 

This realization challenged me. What am I saying about myself when I use tech-centered metaphors? How do I embrace a more human, more natural, and, for the Christians in the crowd, a more biblical approach to setting measurable goals? How do we employ technique, rather than be consumed by it? When I read Psalm 1, the analogy of a tree planted by streams of water resonates more deeply, more holistically with me than that of a machine.

“Blessed is the one whose delight is in the law of the Lord… That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, whose leaf does not whither – whatever they do prospers."

A sketch of Psalm 1 from my journal (no judging, I'm an engineer)

The metaphor of a tree has several values that are distinct from that of a machine. Here are a few that I can spot, but I encourage you to think of others.

Independent vs. Interdependent 

A machine is independent, so long as its inputs are adequately controlled within what engineers refer to as "the control volume." People and resources become cogs in the system. I am the focal point and success depends on me. But a tree is interdependent and is only as healthy as its environment. When we are overwhelmed or unproductive, the machine in us pushes harder, relying on our own strength, and "rests" only to recalibrate ourselves or fix others. "If only [insert change], then I would [insert outcome]." When what we really need is to be deeply rooted in our relationships, present to our surroundings, and connected to God. This rooted-ness re-orients our priorities and inspires our creative and mundane work.

 

The next time you think “I don’t have enough bandwidth," recognize that this metaphor suggests you are a machine that should increase its bandwidth, or exercise more control over its inputs. Instead, if we say, “I need to root myself deeper in good soil,” immediately we are challenged to consider the health of our ecosystem and our connection to it.

Goals vs Fruit

The machine follows a linear process that churns out predictable results, or in this case, goals. On the other hand, fruit is the byproduct of a dynamic growth-oriented process. As such, we don’t know the exact quality, quantity, shape, or size of the fruit. Nevertheless, we can (and should!) envision, with hopeful anticipation, what the fruit of our lives may look and taste like. We can even ask ourselves what steps should we take to nourish that fruit and measure that progress. The subtle shift is from being goal-centric to growth-centric, from achieving to becoming, and from prescribing to nourishing.

Routines vs Rhythms

 

The machine, along with everything that interacts with it, follows routines, and deviations from its prescription cause chaos. But a productive tree gracefully accepts the rhythms of life, be it rain, sun, or perhaps a bit of pruning. It is agile, robust, open to interruption, and thankful in the midst of change. Rhythm allows room for grace and growth, in a way that rote routine cannot.

 

Take for example, my two toddlers, who on several occasions have interrupted my focused work time by spilling their milk on the living room rug in the midst of a heated argument over a toy. My concentration is broken, our household rules have been crossed, and I feel my blood begin to boil. In that moment, I am tempted to enforce the rules with a heavy hand, reinforcing our family's prescribed routines and rules, akin to a programmer debugging an algorithm. 

 

But what I’ve found, after many unsuccessful attempts, is that the application of the law, and more generally, technique-based discipline, is a temporary and incomplete remedy. Rather, the example I set is far more important than the fix I employ. The outcome of parenting my children, and indeed my life’s work, is not determined so much by the techniques I employ, but by the source (the "vine" as Jesus says about himself in Matthew 15:5), that I am drawing from.

By responding to my children with affection and grace, I lay the groundwork for heart and character transformation [3]. This is real fruit that is much sweeter than any behavior modification, which even a machine can be programmed to mimic. On my better days, I recognize the rhythm of the moment, and participate in my calling to be a parent for 5-minutes before calmly resuming work. I gently and firmly restore order (often through a practical technique like the “1, 2, 3 Method”), but more importantly, I help restore a right understanding and right relationship between God, myself, and my children.

Product vs Process

 

The tree is a vessel, a steward of things already valuable. Phloem and xylem are critical to distributing valuable nutrients and water to and from the soil, and chlorophyll for converting sunlight into a usable form of energy. Even the tree's detritus is valuable to its surroundings. Like a tree, our work is a process of transforming value from one form to another, whereas technique emphasizes our output, especially anything new and revolutionary, over the input or the process. How does this relate to goals? I don’t think our goals necessarily need to be revolutionary in order to be valuable, and the means can be just as important as the end. In this broader context, there is great value in even our most ordinary everyday work.

Here’s to a fruitful 2023!
 

Of Dogs and Men

Today, Patti and I took a stroll around San Francisco's Union Square, without much of an agenda except to meet people and practice street photography. We ended up meeting Jay, and his dog, Pepper, on the side of a busy corner where we chatted over some Starbucks about his journey from Southern California to SF. A few blocks later we ran into Ari and his dog, Chico. Ari was a legit fellow - he was friendly, knew his scripture, and had a great smile. We talked for half an hour about how to clean shrimp and the value of generously celebrating the lives of those we love before they pass away. 
                  

Ari and his dog, Chico

Jay and his dog, Pepper

We prayed together before parting ways and Ari was very encouraged and spoke of God's favor resting on some people but not others because they've "been in a bad way", referring in part to himself. But now, he said, he hoped that would change. 

The beauty of carving out time in our lives to be spontaneous, or just having the mindfulness to set our own agendas aside for even a moment, is that it shifts the focus away from ourselves. And if we can step outside of ourselves and the walls that we have created (the comfortable house in the hills, shopping malls, holiday getaways, badge-only access to work), then we begin to connect with the needs, the beauty, and the unique stories of others.

It's not unlike hiking, where I often have to remind myself to look up from the roots on the trail in front of me in order to experience the people and places that surround me. 

As for these gents and their dogs, we didn't have a plan, we didn't hand out a meal, we didn't solve anyone's problems, but I think that's ok. Their stories are worth hearing, and that alone is reason enough to pause. 

And because Macy's was supporting dogs up for adoption through the SPCA, they had this pup on display in their window. Adopt a dog! :) 

Note: Out of respect, the individuals' names were changed and permission was asked to post photos online.

Happy Two-Month Anniversary!

Patti and I celebrating our two-month anniversary hours after my surgery.

Three days after returning home from our seven-week globetrotting honeymoon the right side of my neck is swollen like a softball, and I find myself, for the first time, lying in a hospital bed. An elusive infection in my lymph nodes has caused severe inflammation extending from my right ear down to my windpipe and from my cheek over to my shoulder. I'm barraged by daily blood tests, CT scans and ultrasounds, antibiotics that irritate my veins, IVs swapped every other day, and pain medication that makes me loopy and fatigued. Uncertain of the specific diagnosis, the conscious me sits on the sidelines of my own battlefield, watching patiently for the size of my neck to shrink or grow, tipping the scales in favor of my body or an unseen enemy. But one thing is certain: when reciting our vows, Patti and I never thought the "sickness" part of "in sickness and in health" would be played out so early in our marriage.

Sure, the circumstances seem pretty gloomy for a newlywed couple, but in some ways the hospital has been more restful than our honeymoon, gallivanting throughout Southeast Asia in search of beaches, diving, and cultural excursions. Compared to some of the AirBnBs we stayed at, the hospital is definitely cleaner, my sheets are changed daily, and there is hot water and a working thermostat, not to mention breakfast, lunch, and dinner are included! To our surprise, the service is actually on par with the resort we stayed at in the Maldives; the staff addresses me by name and knows I would prefer the honey-glazed chicken over the Asian cod. Dare I say, with my window view, I might even be getting a hospital tan.

Yet our "extended honeymoon" has a much more profound meaning to me in the sense that it has defined and shaped the beginnings of our marriage in a way that no resort or beach ever could. Despite the sleepless nights and my growing inability to perform daily tasks, like changing my gown or eating solid food, Patti has patiently been at my side, never complaining and never worrying. She's grown a sense for what I need, a glass of water or a blanket for my feet, before I even know I need it, and she cheerfully takes the initiative to help. Sometimes, she even sneaks into my hospital bed so we can play games and watch Netflix together, never mind the nurse saying something about a hospital policy and the bed's weight limit. Other times we just sit in silence, tapping away on our cell phones, contently side by side. She walks with me the same 4th floor figure-eight loop hallway to which I am restricted, over and over, until I reach my daily step goal. Suffice to say, I have grown to deeply appreciate and cherish my wife, just as she has grown to love and care for me, as a result of our unintentional honeymoon extension.

It is Friday afternoon, the day of our two-month anniversary, and my fifth day in the hospital. There are still no signs that the swelling is subsiding. The ENT surgeon walks into my room after viewing my CT scan from a half hour ago. The scan reveals a large abscess filled with liquefied tissue forming in my neck, which is preventing the antibiotics from reaching the bacteria. He wants to perform surgery immediately to drain the abscess. Waiting could risk the infection spreading to my heart or brain. Surgery poses its own risks of course. The carotid artery, windpipe, vocal chords, and a bundle of nerves are all near the abscess. This is our hardest moment, when uncertainties and realities begin to merge. And while the choice is clear, the repercussions are not. Tissues in hand, we go ahead with the surgery that evening. Before I'm put under, Patti and I read Psalm 138 together, finding comfort in the last verses:

"Your love, Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands."       

- Psalm 138:8

A praise, a reassurance, and an imperative, all rolled up in one.

I woke up, slowly. Groggily, I recall Patti leaning over the gurney with a big grin. The surgery went well, the doctors were able to drain more than anticipated, and within hours my pain had nearly vanished. Now, as I finish writing this a week later, I am told I could be discharged within a day or two. The swelling has diminished but it will still take another couple of weeks of rest and antibiotics until the infection is completely cleared up. But alas, an end to our honeymoon is in sight.

This may sound strange to some, but I recall during my first week in the hospital, while resting with my eyes closed, a vision of a large wooden door, made from strong thick timbers, and built into a stone archway. I step back and look above the door to discover our names, "Kyle and Patti Gaiser" engraved in the mossy stone. The archway is built into an even thicker layer of rock, which is built into the side of a mountain. The image confers an overwhelming sense of encouragement and peace, affirming that through these events God is laying the groundwork for our marriage - a solid foundation, built on a rock that cannot be easily toppled.

Sell Everything

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
- Mark 10:21

Difficult words.

This morning's sermon was based on this passage, and it reminded me of an old bucket list I had started in high school and happened upon the other day when cleaning my room. On that list, scribbled with my messy high school penmanship, was written, "live poor." Depending on whose standards you use, you could say I accomplished this when I was living in Rwanda: lacking clean water, electricity, food variety, and common accessories or luxuries. In fact, many people naturally compliment and even admire my work or any other volunteer's work based upon this reason alone. "It must have been difficult."

Today the two most provoking words in this verse, sell everything, took on a different spin for me. I did not sell everything. I sacrificed time, energy, even money for the poor, but the whole time that I was "living poor" I had another home awaiting my return, a room with a bed, a closet full of clothes, belongings gathering dust, a budget for travel and another for resettling back in America. In my attempts to live like the locals and understand life from their perspective, I soon realized that I would only be able to view from a distance. Even if they were my neighbors, even if I lived life with them day in and day out, I could never fully grasp what it was like not to have the money to pay for a bus fare or watch your kids go hungry, the fear of not having anything to fall back on, the emptiness of losing your family to war and genocide, the lack of opportunity to go to school or use your degree after you've earned it.

I wonder if this is why Jesus says to sell everything: not just because a rich man cannot serve two masters, but because he knows that as long as we have another option to fall back on, we aren't fully trusting him. And as long as we aren't fully trusting him, we will never be able to fully understand and experience life. Perhaps this is Jesus' definition of "faith." Faith is not so much about belief, but more to do with trusting Him because we choose to abandon all other options in pursuit of Christ. Just as I could sell everything in order to truly understand what it means to "live poor", Christ calls us to abandon all other options to living our life and follow him in order to truly understand what it means to "live rich."

Closer to the Kingdom

Before I left for Rwanda, almost 15 months ago, I remember talking with a close friend, John Varga, about cultures and Christianity. He offered a thoughtful question to think about when traveling: "How is this culture closer to the kingdom of God?" I've dwelled a lot on this question, I took it with me to Rwanda, and throughout the year I wrote down a list of how Rwandans are closer to the vision that God has for a transformed Christian life, society, and church. On the other hand, I also jotted down how I think they could improve, usually on the days that I came home frustrated or tired of being "culturally sensitive." Of course, it goes without saying that these are also generalizations that don't apply to everyone in Rwanda, but they make for good starting points...

***Closer to the Kingdom***

1. Resourcefulness. Everything is fixed or reused for something else. Hardly anything is thrown away. Rwandans recycle rubber tires to resole shoes. Plastic bags are banned. I could probably fit all of my 14 months worth of trash in 4 garbage bags, and that's from my more "western" lifestyle.
2. Friendship. Focus on friendship and the healthy/good obligations that come with it. Friendships are not about convenience like they often are in America.
3. Focus on the present, not the past or future. They live more "in the moment," so they're more flexible and don't get stressed out easily.
4. Community oriented "Umudugudu" (translates to "Village"). Not only is it fun to say, but it's extremely effective. Each umudugudu is made of about 50 families. It's the smallest unit of societal/governmental structure. They meet every month or so, usually under a tree, and talk about the issues and needs in their community and help each other out. Every few years they vote for new leaders by going to a field and standing behind their candidate of choice. This ties in nicely to Wendell Berry's idea of "community" as opposed to the widening separation of "public" and "private" life in America (see his essay titled, "Sex, Economy, Freedom, and Community").
5. Responsibility. Students say that they have a responsibility to help disabled classmates. That is, they feel an obligation to step up and help, where without their help the disabled person would not be able to attend school. The responsibility was NOT the school's. The only thing the school does is to ensure that a student is available to help: like retrieving water for a girl who's missing a foot and on crutches. There's good and bad to this system, but I admire the hard work and community responsibility rather compared to a complicated school/budget/taxes/bureaucratic program.
6. Reconciliation oriented: Gacaca courts (village courts where they dealt with genocide crimes that occurred locally and with the intention to restore peace and cooperation). Openness to state wrongdoings or disagreements with others in meetings.
7. Generous: It wasn't uncommon for a cyclist to offer me a free 6km bike ride home on the back of his bike, and truckers always refused money when I hitchhiked. As I made friends with one particular shop owner, he would always be so glad to see me that he would give me free candy or bottled water.
8. Energy. Rwanda's focusing on sustainable and renewable energy (geothermal, methane and hydroelectric projects).
9. Healthier, more natural diet without a lot of (bad) fat, sugar, and salt. As long as they stay clear of the sugar cane, African's teeth are usually spectacular. Same can be said for their eyes. Maybe cuz they don't have TV or light in the nights; the need for glasses is smaller.

***Possible Improvements***

1. Organization and communication. Do I need to elaborate? Poor organization leads to poor efficiency and lots of delays (lots). Poor communication leads to mistakes and wasted time, energy, and money.
2. Stereotypes. Their stereotypes of Americans/whites. The word "Umuzungu" translates as "white man" and "rich man." They believe America and Americans hold the key to their success and America is an easy life, with money growing on trees.
3. Saving money. When people were surprised that I could travel so much yet I owned the cheapest cell phone I told them it's because I would rather save my money and use it for traveling. Many people are used to just getting by, so when they get a surplus of cash, it's easy for them to just spend it on the cell phone with a camera, music player and internet. Of course, the added status symbol is an extra incentive.
4. Status Lifestyles. Alcohol and food is also a status symbol. Stereotypically, poor men drink water while rich men drink alcohol and are fat. To be rich and important tends to imply a riskier lifestyle.
5. Waste disposal: no garbage, littering, especially as more packaged products are being introduced. Human waste is all underground, not good for water table and not used for things like biomass to electricity. Also, many Rwandans don't compost their leftovers. We had a compost pile, but we never used it for fertilizer.
6. Amusement and Water Parks. Hello? Anyone heard of splash lagoon or a lazy river? Yeah, I could've used some of that for hot boring days.
7. Think! Critical and independent thinking is not always encouraged. Rote memorization and obedience to hierarchy is the norm. Historically, this limits productivity and business entrepreneurship and increases the chance of poor governance and blind acceptance (groundwork for the genocide).
8. Globalization. According to the book "Ishmael," Rwanda is a Leaver society becoming more and more like the Takers. The director of Environment and Water repeatedly told me over a drink that, "this world is ours!!" Every bit of land is farmed, threatening population, diversity of crops, and deforestation. As the number of tea and coffee farmers increases, they are transitioning from subsistent local crops to a fluctuating global market economy, which also lowers the value of their crops and increases foreign dependence.
9. Libraries. Few (or no?) public libraries outside of Kigali. Why not open the school libraries to communities?

I don't think the lists are complete and I don't claim that they're completely accurate or even biblical, but that's why I'm posting them here - to wrestle with these ideas and to hear your opinions too! Now that I'm back in America I am reminding myself that the experience is only half over...

Marabou Stork

I just put up two new posts, but I just had to add this one as well. Thanks to Jo C who found this info on one of the more peculiar sitings on our trip to Tanzania, I introduce you to the Marabou Stork.

Marabou Stork

To the casual observer the massive Marabou Stork with its balding, scabby head and pendulous pink air sac may appear to be one of the ugliest creatures in the world. If this same observer were to notice the Marabou's fondness for carrion and its habit of squirting excrement onto its own legs he or she would probably consider the original opinion to be justified. It takes a real bird lover to see past all of this stork's bizarre adornments to recognize the scruffy charm underneath.

For more, And I picture that I couldn't upload, see http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/Birds/Facts/FactSheets/fact-maraboustork.cfm

Belonging

May 26

Before I came to Africa I remember struggling with finding my place, as many new graduate do, in that strange period between the comforts of college and the security of settling - the vastness of an unknown life ahead of me. I had a strong hold on who I was, but a slippery grasp of who i was to the rest of the world.

Now, in Rwanda, finding my place looks very different from when I was in America. In some sense it's easier.  A clearly defined role as a volunteer, as an American, as a voluntary outsider (by color and culture at least), the new friendships in my community, and the comradeship of other volunteers in the same position all help define my place in Rwanda, making it feel at home. But in a different way, a more subtle way, home is difficult to establish. With all the new surroundings, it's not hard to detach or distance myself from this new home, to be distracted from my work here, or to sort of turn the autopilot on: going through the motions of teaching, building friendships, and working around cultural barriers.

A friend from home recently sent me a prayer (as she does every month - thanks!!) on this subject. Here's part of it: 
   "Do not let it sit in. Teach him to embrace it, knowing and constantly thanking you for the world you placed him in and the knowledge you have given him to pass to others. Bring back a childlike faith in him to relearn everything in the new surroundings... Let him find your presence in every piece of the surroundings. How can one yearn for anything more than your presence?"          

A couple days before I left Cleveland for Jamestown to begin packing for Rwanda, I heard a worship song that said, "I finally found where I belong, in Your presence." I'm finding it's true, in any situation. I can travel the world, alone or with life long friends, and I know where I belong. I always have a place. 

Warm sun on my back, cool breeze on my face. Smell of freshly cut grass. Hum of birds' wings around me... a world of open doors... 

While I Am Unaware

This afternoon I went for a bike ride without a destination. I stumbled upon a patch of wooded area that had a stream and small waterfall running through it, so I parked my bike, hopped a couple boulders, and camped out on a rock in the middle of the stream. I was amazed at how tranquil the scene was before me. There, in the middle of Cleveland Heights was an oasis of nature with only the sound of running water and the wrestling of young autumn leaves falling to the ground. I paid no attention to time. The sunlight glittered off the water weaving its course downstream. I admired a fallen piece of foliage - bright red and orange, as if photosynthesis had captured the image of a campfire and framed it in the shape of a maple leaf. The leaves still hanging were a vibrant green - a canopy from the contrasting yellows and blues of the sun and sky above.

People travel the world over to find beauty in nature, but overlook their own backyards. Sure, I have been amazed at the splendor of many majestic scenes while traveling, but often, I find that some of the most beautiful and peaceful and awe-inspiring scenes are in the most unlikely of places. Creation is everywhere, in the large and small, in the extravagant and the mundane. This means that praise is to be had everywhere too, in all our circumstances, in all our activities, and in all our destinations. Praise is a habit (see David Crowder's book Praise Habit).

Lately I have been reminded of the lyrics to a song that go like this:

You dance over me, while I am unaware...
Lord I'm amazed by you.

Whether we realize it or not, the opportunity for praise is all around us. Whether we acknowledge it or not, God dances and sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17). If we look for it, we'll be amazed.

Life in the Fast Lane

I thought I'd share a few points that pastor Greg at Bethany Covenant Church made this morning, because they're pretty pertinent to my life and to our society. He talked about the difference between a fast life and an urgent life. With fast-food restaurants, microwaves, and even speed limits, I think we can all agree that we live in a fast-paced society. In our routines, we go from one thing to another, sometimes non-stop, trying to pack in as much as we can in one day. Even if our routines aren't very busy, I think our fetish for fast is lived out through our attitudes as we're accustomed to instant gratification and impatient with delay or unnecessary changes in plan. As I settle into my new job, I've found myself impatient with traffic and really slow computers. At work I want to get as much done as possible as fast I possibly can so that after work I have more time to do as much as I possibly can, just as fast, before I have to go to bed and repeat the whole process.

And we call this efficiency.

The point of this post (and this morning's sermon) is not just to point out our fast-paced culture and encourage us to slow down, although that would be a good place to start; it's really about what we sacrifice in the fast lane, that is, urgency. Jesus did a lot of amazing stuff, but he was not running around tirelessly preaching, teaching, and healing as many people as he possibly could. He did not say that the Kingdom of God will come the more you do and the faster you do it. He said, the Kingdom is here, in our midst, in our hearts (Luke 17:20-22), and the question is, how do we respond? Jonah took forever to deliver God's message to Nineveh, and when he finally uttered the eight words of prophecy recorded in the Bible, the response of the Ninevites was immediacy: they "called urgently on God" (Jonah 3). Urgency... it is a matter of perspective, disposition to the gospel, and attitude; it is not a matter a speed.

I want to clarify that I do not think that business and efficiency, in their true sense, are inherently bad things. However, they easily foster the "fast life," which refers to that attitude. overwhelmingness, or that almost insatiable drive to squeeze more out of the day. The fast life is a life driven by the fear and lack of faith that God has provided more than enough for you to do and not nearly enough time to do it. Greg wrapped up the morning with a quote from his high school and college basketball years: "The better you are at a sport, the slower the game." Perhaps, the same applies spiritually. As we grow closer to God, life slows down but becomes much more urgent.

The First Day

Today I started the first day of my job, and with that, I realized that I haven't posted on here for quite some time due to the craziness of finishing my last semester of school. But don't fret! With the 9-5 job comes free evenings and weekends, which means I intend on posting more frequently than I have been. In the meantime, I want to give you a quick run down of what's happened and how I got to where I am now!

Last semester I started looking for jobs with the expectation of being out of Cleveland. Thus, I went to the Case Career Fair not expecting much either. Low and behold, I stumbled upon a fantastic company called Contained Energy that does renewable fuel cell research, which is right up my alley. Moreover, they are a small, very hands-on (everything from design, fabrication, and testing), and cutting-edge technology group. It was a perfect fit, so I couldn't turn it down... which puts me here in Cleveland.

The second really cool thing is that I needed a new apartment, off campus, but I didn't want to come home alone, bum around, and give up on my heart for ministry to the needy and to young adults. So, I started praying and asking others to pray for a guy roommate who had the same idea as me. A week and half later, I met Drew, a guy who just came back from Africa and was in the same situation as me. This past Monday we moved into a place near downtown, and we can't wait to get settled in and keep doing outreach to the people in Cleveland and on college campuses!

Well, that's my update; I tried to keep it brief. More to come later... so check back now and then and don't be shy to post a reply!

later gaters... kg

Awe

I remember a speaker last year say that there are something like a dozen emotions that humans experience, and the one least experienced is awe. Awe. I don't quite know where I'm going with this post because it's hard to describe, but I think 'Awe' sums it up. This past week, I've been overwhelmed by a sense of awe, mainly through my classes as we study nature.

Unlike previous semesters where we just took notes and regurgitated formulas, we're delving into topics that don't have known solutions; they still fluster scientists and engineers. I look back in history at how scientists encountered and solved problems that today seem trivial, yet here we are with a plethora of our own questions, the answers somehow all linked together beautifully to describe the universe. I am in awe at how amazingly intricate, complex, and yet simple nature is. I am in awe by the depth of nature.

By my senior year, we've practically run out of variables to use. We've called upon the English and Greek alphabet, using capital and lower case letters, subscripts and superscripts, and still we joke in class that we'll need to switch to the Hebrew alphabet soon. This is especially true in my Flight Dynamics class. Every day he introduces new variables, new quantities that detail a requirement that must be met for flight. I paused yesterday after class and realized what a miracle it is that an airplane can even fly. Moreover, nature goes about its course - birds fly, gravity keeps us planted, we breath in and out - without ever knowing all the details.

Naturally, more questions come to mind. How trustworthy are our instincts? Is the pursuit of knowledge the only way to understand truth? I'll leave the philosophy open to discussion :-P

When Bathroom Stalls and Churches Collide

I've always found the toilet to be an inspirational place, and I know I'm not alone in saying that. So not too long ago I was in Avon, CO sitting on the hot seat in the public bathroom of a Wal-Mart, admiring the surroundings: the graffiti, the writing, the drawings that I'm sure we're all (at least the guys) familiar seeing on stall walls. Maybe admiring isn't the right word. My first impression is, "ugh, how stupid," but after my disgust wears off, I start thinking about how prevalent these thoughts, images, stereotypes, and mindsets are in our culture, and it's really sad. I think it reveals a lot of insight into the disrespect, depravity, and neediness of humanity. The graffiti is evidence of a disregard, or at least an ignorance, of true Eros, Phila, and Agape love as well as real community. The historic and natural response of the church has been to shun these stall-graffitiers (metaphorically speaking) in reaction to that initial disgust. But instead of turning our heads in disgust, I think the church needs to take a good look at those stalls and soak it in until the disgust wears off and we can respond with compassion.

I'm imagining what it would look like for a church to be made up of those stall graffitiers. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that current church goers are even close to perfection; I bet churchies (church goers) even graffiti on stalls. What I'm getting at is not so much about behavior but more about the current attitude that outsiders have toward the church as well as the disposition of the church toward outsiders. Much of the world stereotypes churchies as goody-two-shoes, placing an unfit and weighty expectation for churchies to be perfect. This stereotype does two things: it sets up the church for failure, resulting in reproaches of hypocrisy, and it distances outsiders from the church. Furthermore, to an extent, I think the church has taken on this burden, and in expecting itself to be perfect, fronts a mask of "having it all together" in fear that otherwise, they would be considered a fraud. Ironically, this furthers separation between the world and the church and undermines community. In other words, right now, those graffitiers don't feel welcomed into the church, and if they were, the world would scream hypocrisy.

But what if it was the other way around?

What if it was normal for the vulgar, the imperfect, the rich, the poor, the perverts, the successful, the drop-outs to attend a church in which, because of a real interdependent vulnerable community, they realize that they don't need to have it all together, and that this is the very reason for grace!? What if the world saw the church as a place to meet their needs for love and community instead of how their sins fail to compare to the piety of today's masquerading church goers? What if church was a place of unconditional love: for people of every race, class, background, and clique, worshiping an amazing God who calls us into a relationship with Him and with each other?

Envision this. Is it biblical? What would it look like? How do we do it? I don't have all the answers to these three questions, so I wanna hear thoughts! I know there may be some objections. I understand that the church should be an example... a pure bride to Christ, working to reflect the beauty of the kingdom of God. So, the church should not accept sin, but at the same time should not be unapproachable and unwelcoming. I realize Paul talks about removing someone who is sinning from the community (1 Corinthians 5:5) and not to associate with purposeful sinners who claim to be Christians (1 Corinthians 5:11), but what’s the context and can these verses be reconciled with the type of church described here? I look forward to your thoughts!