I am here at my site in Nyakarambi, Rwanda. After three weeks of training (with a great group of volunteers I must say) we were all sent our separate ways, dropped off in a strange new land of rolling green hills and incredibly starry nights. I've been in Nyakarambi for five weeks now and, while I am enjoying the experience, I am realizing how different life is here than what i have experienced in my previous 23 years. Imagine. You have no car - a symbol of freedom and independence in America. You are surrounded by a new language and what normally takes 10 seconds to communicate can now take up to 10 minutes. Your washing machine is gone, so is your shower, tap water, and electricity for a stove, oven, microwave, or toaster. You have an ishoka (ax) and igibiriti (matches) at your disposal for cooking meals and boiling your water. Cold drinks are a luxury, and the idea of Italian food for dinner or M&Ms for a snack is a joke among volunteers. This is just the beginning, but it is good and well worth it. I am slowly learning to redefine my life and expectations of Rwanda. In the following posts i will try to describe this process in three areas of life: culture, home, and school. Here's the first...
Redefining life: culture
I came to Rwanda expecting to see a country deeply scarred and struggling to get back on its feet after the 1994 genocide. In some ways this is true, and quite literally so; I often pass people whose arms or legs are crippled or missing, and last month I tried to avoid watching a man with no legs and flip flops on his hands carry himself up the same hill that had winded me. And once in awhile you will see a "Prisons" vehicle pass by with men in neatly pressed pink garb, indicating those who are on trial for crimes of genocide. But, for the most part, people go on living their everyday ordinary lives and I find myself having to remind myself that the events in 1994 actually happenned. This is the point of view of a naive outsider, someone who could never understand how the genocide has really affected every family in Rwanda. While I struggle to see the impact on their culture, I believe it is there; it's just not always obvious. Take for example my friend Venuste, who told me about his job in the district education office, his studies at university degree, and how he lost both of his parents in the genocide when he was 15.
On a lighter note, last week I went to a wedding!!! One of our teachers got getting and I guess anyone and everyone is invited to a wedding in Rwanda, including me... and the cows. The groom gave the brides father a 2 liter bottle of coke, a bottle if wine, and 2 cows as a gift in exchange for the bride's hand in marriage. I'm totally going to give my bride's family a bunch of cows on my wedding day. The wedding was very long... It took all day and started with a couple hours where the brides father tried to convince the grooms father for his son to take a different wife... Basically bartering. The decorations consisted of tarps hung over banana trees and wrapped in toilet paper. :)
In preparation for the wedding, I learned that there are many cultural differences when it comes to relationships and marriage in Rwanda. My friend and fellow teacher Kirisa explained to me today that finding a wife can be a very long process here. In his preparations for marriage, he first completed university and worked in order to save enough money to buy a plot of land. Now that he has the land, he is saving to build his own house in which he and his future wife can live. With land and a house, he will search for a wife, meanwhile, saving enough for the cost of a wedding. When he finds a girl to date, they will date in secret, not telling their families. When they are ready to make arrangements for marriage, they will introduce each other to their families for the first time. Ha! Amazing!
When it comes to finding that special someone, Rwandans can be the most suave creatures on the planet. For example, when introducing themselves they will say something along the lines of "Hello, my name is Ben, I am from Kigali, Rwanda, and I am single." In fact, many times when introducing myself for the first time, people (both guys and girls) will flat out ask me if I am single. It's just customary. The truly sly ones, with a little more class, will ask, "How are your wife and kids doing?"
While Rwandans can be closed off emotionally at first, they have no problem expressing themselves as they get to know you. Yesterday my friend Evereste came up to me during lunch and said, "Kyle, I am going to sit next to you because I love you." In fact, in kinyarwanda the word for love and like are the same. Yesterday, during a staff meeting, a guy held my hand while stroking my arm. It's incredibly awkward but completely normal here to express your love/like for a friend like that, whether it's a guy or a girl.
Surprisingly, one of the things I miss the most about culture at home is the variety of arts and food. In America you can go to the cinema for a movie or an art gallery to see famous paintings and sculptures, or listen to a symphony orchestra, or a rock concert, or go the theater for a play or musical. Or you can just wander around town and find an infinite variety of restaurants ranging from hole in the wall coffee shops to international foods, wines, or local brews.
Well that's all for now... More to come on the community/home and the school later!
2 comments:
Hey Kyle, it's good to know that you're still thriving and striving in Rwanda. I think that's a pretty interesting bit about marriage and relationships. I think that no matter what the culture is one thing remains, the sanctity of marriage. Even with the way the Rwandan's do, it seems that there's a specific way of doing it, and not just a casual go-to-court or go-to-bed thing. I think we still have much of that here in America. It's just much too expensive and time consuming.
One thing that caught me though. You said that they have that "like" and "love" are the same word there. How do the Christians there communicate love for each other, or more importantly, God's love, then? "Love" and "like" are totally different concepts in my head, and a huge part of Christianity rides on that difference. Love your enemies. Even though I might not like them, I'm called to love them (and maybe in the process, God will lead me to like them). I wonder what the Rwandan's view on forgiveness is? Well, take care Kyle and enjoy :)
Hmm that's a great question Kris. I'll ask around and let ya know. :)
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